How can I know that thereโs a place for me if Iโve never really felt I had a place? The very moment I saw this, the very moment I acknowledged this, I felt like a pack of cards being reshuffled and resettled.
Itโs amazing that we can somehow lie to ourselves, or fail to acknowledge a truth that once shown, seems like we should have always known.ย This happened to me during a course on โThe Good, the bad, and the uglyโ at a healing school.ย Iโve always shied away from emotions, especially really strong, pure emotions.ย I didnโt want to be overwhelmed so I shut them down. It wasn’t just anger I tried to shut down, but love as well.
Over the years Iโve acknowledged feeling unnoticed and unimportant. I had a revelation; these were fruits of a very deep root. A root which until that moment I had been unable to admit or touch. One which could and would have broken me had God not walked with me and helped me, ever so gently, to uncover it. I built my life on it, like the foolish builder in Matthew 7:27.ย If you build your life on a lie it is so easy to be blown over by the winds of life and circumstance!
However, the root was a simple thing – I never felt wanted, but perception often rules reality, and my perception was one of rejection. How can I know that thereโs a place for me if Iโve never really felt I had a place? The very moment I saw this, the very moment I acknowledged this, I felt like a pack of cards being reshuffled and resettled. This new truth, this new insight, gave me a strength that Iโve never experienced; it changed how I saw myself and my life.
I Followed the Truth
This truth lead me back to Psalm 45, so much of how I see myself comes from this Psalm. He calls me His warrior, daughter, and Princess. He bids me stand in a new place, with a new truth, and a new strength. Verse 10 says โListen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your fatherโs house.โ It is time to walk away from the lies of the past and live in the new truth. But itโs verse 11 that takes my breath away – โlet the King be enthralled by your beauty, honour Him because He is your Lordโ.
He also says โ13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. 14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king; her virgin companions follow herโ those brought to be with herโ. Iโve never thought of myself as glorious before but this is how God sees me. He inspired me to paint a picture of how He sees me.
John 8:36
