How can I know that there’s a place for me if I’ve never really felt I had a place? The very moment I saw this, the very moment I acknowledged this, I felt like a pack of cards being reshuffled and resettled.
It’s amazing that we can somehow lie to ourselves, or fail to acknowledge a truth that once shown, seems like we should have always known. This happened to me during a course on ‘The Good, the bad, and the ugly’ at a healing school. I’ve always shied away from emotions, especially really strong, pure emotions. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed so I shut them down. It wasn’t just anger I tried to shut down, but love as well.
Over the years I’ve acknowledged feeling unnoticed and unimportant. I had a revelation; these were fruits of a very deep root. A root which until that moment I had been unable to admit or touch. One which could and would have broken me had God not walked with me and helped me, ever so gently, to uncover it. I built my life on it, like the foolish builder in Matthew 7:27. If you build your life on a lie it is so easy to be blown over by the winds of life and circumstance!
However, the root was a simple thing – I never felt wanted, but perception often rules reality, and my perception was one of rejection. How can I know that there’s a place for me if I’ve never really felt I had a place? The very moment I saw this, the very moment I acknowledged this, I felt like a pack of cards being reshuffled and resettled. This new truth, this new insight, gave me a strength that I’ve never experienced; it changed how I saw myself and my life.
I Followed the Truth
This truth lead me back to Psalm 45, so much of how I see myself comes from this Psalm. He calls me His warrior, daughter, and Princess. He bids me stand in a new place, with a new truth, and a new strength. Verse 10 says ‘Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention: Forget your people and your father’s house.’ It is time to walk away from the lies of the past and live in the new truth. But it’s verse 11 that takes my breath away – ‘let the King be enthralled by your beauty, honour Him because He is your Lord’.
He also says “13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber; her gown is interwoven with gold. 14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king; her virgin companions follow her— those brought to be with her”. I’ve never thought of myself as glorious before but this is how God sees me. He inspired me to paint a picture of how He sees me.
John 8:36
